god is in the rain.

I think only April will really get the title of this blog entry and how it applies to the entire post, but that's okay. Today, God reached down from Heaven and comforted my heart - it's an amazing story.

Today was such a beautiful day. Bennet and I walked to the Science Center and then walked back home. I had packed us a lunch and decided on our walk home that we'd venture the whole way back to Locust Point and eat our picnic lunch in Latrobe Park. As Bennet and I sat on our blanket, enjoying our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, feeling the sunshine warm us, I started thinking about my dad.

Today marks four months since he passed away. I've been missing him a lot lately, maybe because the more time that goes by, the more I realize he is really gone. Reality hasn't really set in yet - the whole thing still seems like a dream - but the more months that pass, the more real his death is to me.

Little things lately - things like seeing someone sit with their dad in church or thinking about how he won't be at Bennet's First Birthday Party this weekend - have been hard on me. Andrew reminded me last night that Dad's looking down on Bennet and I from Heaven and watching out for us, and that he will be there for Bennet's Birthday in spirit. I know that - but it's nice to be reminded.

As I sat in the park with Bennet this afternoon, I noticed that I had positioned our blanket in a huge bed of clover. I started thinking about building memories for Bennet, and how many wonderful childhood memories my parents gave me. One of those memories popped into my head - looking for four-leaf clover.

I remember when I was a little girl, my mom and I loved to sit in the grass and hunt for four-leaf clover. We didn't always find them - but we'd look for hours in the back yard at my Grandmother's house. I remember those summer afternoons well.

I was thinking about clover-hunting and thinking about my dad and I thought, "God, if my dad is really watching me, let me know. Have him show me a four-leaf clover." My child-like faith quickly went away and I chastized myself for even bothering God with a thought so silly. I looked around for a few more moments for a four-leaf clover, didn't see any, and went back to playing with Bennet.

Soon, it was time to come home. As I was putting Bennet in his stroller, my thoughts went back to my dad...to the clover...and I said aloud, "God, I know I'm being silly, but I really need to find one and know that Dad is up there, watching me and guiding me. I know the chance of me finding one is so small, but I also know you can just show me one to comfort me."

I looked down in the clover one more time and there it was. A beautiful four-leaf clover sitting in the middle of the field. If that isn't God reaching down his hand to comfort his child, I don't know what is.

Here's the enormous patch of clover:


Here's my little miracle:


God is in everything. On Sunday morning at church, I was feeling sad about my dad and we sang that song "Oh, no, you never let go - through the calm and through the storm..." I immediately felt God's hand holding onto me in the midst of my sadness. Today, I felt it again. I saw it. I touched it. (I picked it and brought it home and flattened it in a book to dry out.) God is in the rain. God is in the clover. His grace is sufficient for me.

Who am I that you are mindful of me? That you hear me when I call? Is it true that you are thinking of me? How you love me! It's amazing. So amazing...